Story by Dean Cain!
A lot of thanks to Petra for
typing the words!
Clark Kent / Superman
Winslow P. Schott
Don't you just love Christmas?
Yeah, it's okay.
It's a very nice holiday. Like Fourth of July of Arbor Day.
Are you comparing Christmas to Arbor Day?
No, I'm not comparing them. They're both holidays and they're both
Yeah, they're fine.
See, I think what makes Christmas so special
is the whole spirit of ...
I just remembered some last second shop! Excuse
The spirit of shopping. That about sums it up, doesn't it?
Lois, doesn't the time of year
and the - feeling in the air just make you happy?
Clark, you don't have to sell me on Christmas. I'm not the Grinch.
I like it - a lot.
But you don't - love it.
But I like it - a lot.
A lot? Or a lot, a lot?
Somewhere between a lot and a lot, a lot.
I guess people can't even imagine what it's
like to be an orphan at Christmas.
Boy, this guy is good.
Lois, why don't you go ahead?
I wanna stay and talk to Santa.
Of course you do.
... whoever's name you get, you
get a Christmas present for and ...
I'm in charge of it.
Sounds like fun. I'm Angela.
I'm in charge of it.
Nice to meet you, Mr.
'I'm in charge of it'.
Little heavy on the red and green, don't you think?
What? You don't like it?
Do I have a choice?
No, it's just, like it's everywhere. Ribbons and wreaths and mistletoe
and trees and Santas and Elves and Frosty the Snowman
and Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer. Pounding you in the face over
'You must love Christmas, you must love Christmas, you must love
I guess that means we don't carolling tonight,
No, it's .... it's just that once I would like to feel Christmas.
You know, discover it, unwrap it and be surprised by how wonderful
it is instead of
having it relentlessly shoved in my face like half-off coupons at
a swap meet.
I know what you mean. It's like Christmas
becomes so big it's - it's like a whale and we're all minnows.
Well, this year I'm not going to be a minnow. I'm gonna take control
and I'm gonna have the Christmas I want.
Oh, that's excellent.
Dr. Sam Lane, please ... his daughter .... Lois.
What if I could get a friend
of mine to ask the stores for toys? He's sort of a celebrity and he's an
Oh, do I know him?
You might have heard of him. He - spends a
lot of flying in and out of Metropolis.
Out on the street. Talking to Santa.
Of course he is...
Doesn't anybody like Teddy Bears anymore?
Oh, is this it ...?
Ah, what is ... oh it's kinda nice!
I want that! Sorry, I had it first!
Possession is nine-tenths of the law.
I believe it's rather unusual side effect
will be to make adults act like children.
I had it first!
The question is: Will they act like greedy
Did not, did not, did, did not, did not, just gimme ...
oh oh ...
Lois, can I just see one?
No, they're my rats!
Ah, look. It was kind of a funny joke in the
cab, a little less funny in the lobby.
Now, it's getting old and we've got a deadline,
so can I just please have a look?
Just a look?
Just a look.
Okay. - Ha ha!!
Ah! That smells terrible!
I like it!
And I want one of those rats!
Oh. I want wanna want everything!
Hey hey, look over there ...
Hello Lucy? It's Lois. I just wanna to let you know, that you are
not invited to my Christmas dinner tomorrow night.
Well, because all the food that I'm going to buy - is mine and I'm
Ready, set ...
Heyheyheyhey! What in the sam hill is going
on out here?
I told you guys we shoulda been quiet!
Clark, you're not the boss of us!
Are those squares in magic marker?
Lois is in trouble!
Lois is in trouble!
Well, I have all the rats and you don't have any!
I could get those if I wanted!
Heyheyheyheyhey - that's enough!
Now, I don't know what you all got going on
here - but obviously we all need a vacation a little bit more than I thought.
But we still got a paper to put out and a
story to do on those rats.
Oh Chief, Chief - gimme the rats! Gimme the
rats! Gimme ...
Heyheyhey - Jimmy!
They're mine! They're mine! Mine! They're mine!
That's it, the end, good night!
Lois? Give me those rats! Lois?
Alright. Now go back to your desk.
Geez, that's really fair ...
Oh, can I have a rat, Chief? Can I have, please?
Clark, you want me send you in the dark room?
You heard me!
Well, then settle down. Go back to your desk.
Doesn't like anybody fire arms anymore?
What are these ugly sucker shoot ...
That lady cut right in front of us ... Excuse
me, excuse me!
Jonathan, she did not.
Are you kidding, Martha? That woman was a
Jon, she was in a hurry, she just didn't see
This ist the last Christmas we come to Metropolis
to do our Christmas shopping. This town is crazy. Everybody's twisting
and shoving and grabbing.
Oh Jonathan. What are you talking about?
Are any of those for me?
Oh, there are so many. I don't know between to choose.
Oh geez, well Martha, I don't know. I guess,
I must be imaging it?
Come on, hey. Come Jimmy, come Jimmy, hey.
Äh... hi Perry.
We were looking for Clark.
Clark Jerome Kent! You get right over here,
What? What did I do?
You know exactly what you did!
Ah .. uh...
I am so angry of you. I just don't know what
to do with you.
I never spanked you, I never had to.
But right now, I'd like to drop your britches
an tan your hide like cheap leather!
Now Martha ...
Jonathan, he burned the heel of Lois' shoe!
Is that true, Clark?
Yeah, but she took ...
- Ah... -
She ah... she took something.
Martha, I don't think he's quite himself and
neither is Lois and neither is Perry.
Well, what in the world is going on?
I don't know. The last thing that I really
remember clearly was being at the elevators and getting sprayed by one
of those rats ...
and suddenly feeling like I wanted everything.
And feeling like a little kid.
(singing) For I'm a merry good fellow,
for I'm a merry good fellow, for I'm a merry good fellow - and a merry
good Christmas to me!
I don't know, Alice. I don't know if I wanna
spend some dumb, drippy, kissy-face Christmas.
Ah ... I ... I wanna go to Graceland! Alice?
I think I'm fine, now. Whatever it is, it
Use your Pinky. Pinky! Oh thats good now ...
... probably faster on me than other people.
You guys go ahead and finish your Christmas shopping.
I think we're looking at a job for - Superman.
Okay, sweetheart. I'm so glad I don't have
to spank you.
Me too, Mum.
We'll get the presents.
Wow cool! Superman! You wanna play?
Sure! Just a sec.
Oh oh, Superman! You're not gonna take my
rats away, aren't you?
Uhahhahahahah! What a gyp!
Lois, I think we ought to wash your hands.
I mean, ah - you want these rats?
Ah! Space Rats! More Space Rats! Gimme! Gimme! Oh I wanna! Come
on - Superman! Please!
I think Superman brought me home. You too?
Mmh... you feel okay?
But, I did some digging and I have a clue:
The one and only distributor of rats.
I get dressed.
Hi Mister Hecklebaum? Hi, I'm Lois Lane, this is Clark
Kent! We're from the Daily Planet. We're investigating the Atomic Space
You wanna do a story on me?
Actually, we were wondering: Who makes the
Ah, you should have said you wanna write a
story on me then maybe I would've talked.
Do you know how much money I'm making here? You think I'm gonna tell you
who makes these things?
What am I? Nuts? What am I stupid?
Hey, don't let the door hit you in the butt
on the way out!
Excuse me, oh no, I'm sorry. Did I say? What
it hit you in the butt? What do I care!
JoAnn, hey Jo ... JoAnn. JoAnn, how much money
did we make in the last five seconds?
Surrounded by these things day and night - no wonder the guy's a
Hey, there's an invoice over there, see it?
I'll distract, you grab. Go!
Oh, I want - I want - I want!
Hey hey! No No No No!
I want, I want the Space Rat!
I want the Space Rat!
No, that's mine!
Lois? I'm sorry but - Lois!
Rat! Please please...
I'm sorry but, Lois ...
I want a rat, come on, I want a rat!
Okay, you can put me down.
Are you okay?
Ah, I was holding my breath. Did you get the invoice?
Yeah. Maker of rats, one W. P. Schott. No
address, no phone number, only a post office box. So...
Background check! - Clark, did you have any Christmas plans?
Yeah, I'm flying back to my folks tonight.
Christmas is always the biggest party in Smallville.
Oh. I was just having a few people over. I thought you might like
No No No! I wouldn't wanna let you change your plan. You should
be with your family.
Well, I guess there's nothing to do until the
report comes in on Schott and the rats.
It's a good thing, too. I'm not feeling quite a hundred percent
yet. And you?
Yeah - I feel kind of weird, too.
Guess the only one who is immun to this stuff is Superman.
You would think.
Did you get your tree yet?
No. I always have trouble deciding.
See, I like the big pretty ones
but, I feel sorry for the little scrawny ones.
I remember when I was twelve ... my parents split up so they didn't
bother to get a tree.
I broke into my piggy bank, went and bought the ugliest, loneliest
little tree I could find.
I thought, if I could make that tree beautiful, then I can have
a great Christmas.
So I decorated it with ribbons and popcorn and tin foil.
And the needles fell off, it turned black and Mom threw it out.
know, I'm not a kid anymore. I should just You
know, I'm not a kid anymore. I should just get a great tree and have a
great Christmas, right?
And that is the spirit.
I just couldn't leave it there all alone.
You don't think it's ugly?
I think - it has lots of potential.
Jimmy Olsen? I'm your Secret
Jimmy? I'm your Secret Santa, boy!
Merry Christmas, Jimmy!
Good Santa, Jimmy!
You rigged the Secret Santa. Mr. 'I'm in charge
of it'! What a jerk!
Stay away from me!
Well, you two are invited to my house for a Christmas
Eve dinner tonight.
Hm. Hm, well that sure beats the soup kitchen,
Don't get your hopes too high, Chief.
Hi, it's nice to meet you. Ah,
this is my friend, Lois.
Lois, this is - Santa. And this is Danielle.
Danielle hasn't spoken since her parents -
well, she hasn't spoken since the last three years.
But she's so excited about Christmas, right
You wanna play? Fortunately I just recently relearnd this game.
Wow, what a cute little girl.
I wonder if she'll ever be able to talk.
What a day for the car to be in the shop ...
Ah, this is ridiculous! Just stop the cab! We WALK to the warehouse
I get 200!
Two hundred dollars for a ten block cab ride?!
Calm down ...
Look, I know you're not in your right mind
so I give you this twenty and some good advice: Lose that RAT!
You know what makes my Christmas Merry?
Winslow P. Schott - bagged and tagged.
Let's get it.
Oh, must've been rusted through.
Oh oh - I've got a bad feeling.
Where's our Toyman and his nasty goo?
I don't know ... but it looks like he just
got the 'Dear John' -letter.
'Dear Mr. Schott, I cannot go on participating in this.
I have gone to give the last good thing you made for the world to
some deserving children. Ms. Duffy.'
That lady from the orphanage ...
Ms. Duffy? Ms. Duffy - I have a surprise.
So do we. You're busted. Merry Christmas.
What have you done with the chemicals?
Who are you? What have you done with Ms. Duffy?
If you hurt her, I'll ...
She left you!
She left me? Why - she never. What - we've
been together for twenty years. I have to see her.
I know where she is. Tell us what you did
with the chemicals and we'll take you to her.
Maybe you'd like to say goodbye - before you go to jail.
Merry Christmas ... to you. Mr.
She ... she... did you hear that? Did you
hear that? Danielle! That's the first word she's spoken since I've known
her! It's a miracle!
I love you.
I guess there's more to people than just greed, Mr. Schott.
Ah, he ... ah ..
He ah... takin' it pretty hard from these
I told myself I was gonna have a real Christmas ... one I'd find for
And I have.
Merry Christmas, Superman!
Merry Christmas, Lois!
Superman, I just found out: Alice is an a
hotel downtown. I gotta get down there right away!
I understand. Stay in the sleigh. I'll give
you a big entrance.
Oh great! Ah, Lois - sorry that I miss your
So am I.
I understand. Big holiday for you - no holidays for you.
Okay, Superman! Giddeeee-up!
You're not coming.
I explained how you are not quite yourself before. She's a very
understanding girl. You should hang on to her...
... it's rare. Merry Christmas!
My name is Margaret! And what I want this
Christmas - is YOU!
Clark? You came!
Oh ... why - why - aren't you in Smallville with your folks?
Oh ... ah ... my plane - got snowed in.
It did? - ... it's not snowing?
You are just the best!
Oh - I and you
- are gonna get stuffed. I made a turkey and jams and cranberries
Did you know that you have to made the stuffing? It doesn't come
in the bird.
Yeah, I heard that someplace. - Ah, I brought
you a gift.
I told Superman that story about your Christmas
tree when you were twelve -
and, he and I both decided that this might
look good - on that little guy.
Oh, it's beautiful! I've never seen anything like it. Where did
he get it?
I'm just gonna put it on.
I love it! Oh...
I wonder where Superman spends his Christmas?
He must still be pulling Perry around on the sleigh.